Song demo: Hey John!
Rock 'n roll takes on religious abuse
Lyrics:
Hey John! I put your podcast on.
It was two thousand and nine.
I just needed a guide
through the body and spirit divide.
I thought I would be fine
if I could just get things right.
You seemed smart at the time,
and so I opened my mind:
You said God would be glorified
if in Him, we were most satisfied.
You taught, in order for me to survive,
my thoughts would have to be purified.
I followed all of your sermons.
Piping you in during every drive, John.
You were a man on a mission,
Helping me push for a new perfection.
But you put a weight upon —
the suffering weight of a cruel religion.
And all of the time you were on,
So was the millstone around my neck, John!
You said God would be glorified
if in Him, we were most satisfied.
You taught, in order for me to survive,
my thoughts would have to be purified.
And I’m still frequently terrified
of your God, who still likes to terrorize
my life, even if I “live right.”
And that God should never be glorified.
You led me away from my self, John!
I followed you out like the damn pied Piper.
You were an innocent dove, John.
Now I can see you’re a neon viper!
You carry the weight of the world, John.
Carry the weight like you’re Jesus Christ, John!
But I thought the Good News was, John,
that God was about love and liberation?
You said God would be glorified
if in Him, we were most satisfied.
You taught, in order for me to survive,
my thoughts would have to be purified.
And I’m still frequently terrified
of your God, who still likes to terrorize
my life, even if I “live right.”
And that God should never be glorified.
About this project:
“Hey John!” is home recording #3 from a journey that has a shortlist of 22 songs, and a long-list of even more, that I’m sharing on the pathway toward producing and releasing a full album. If this song resonates with you, or the journey resembles in any way a path that you too are on, consider subscribing: you’ll always get the songs for free, and if you choose to chip in as a paid subscriber, it helps me cover the costs.
If you’re new to this journey, you might also want to check out the other songs in the project:
(Both of them follow nicely as much needed breather and reorientation after a track like this. For real. Go listen after this. You need the shower.)
What does this song bring up for you?
Before I share what this means to me, and where it came from, take a moment before to connect with your first impressions and reactions.
What are the emotions that came up for you as you listened?
Are they connected with any stories or seasons in your life?
Does this specific character in the song mean anything to you personally?
If not, does it function as an avatar or persona for any other teachers or leaders who “put a weight upon” your own neck?
Is there any part of you that considered it “your fault” that you couldn’t live up to the standards created by that teacher?
What would it give you if you could release yourself from the guilting and shaming standard created by that leader, and give it all back?
I can’t speak to what is or is not relevant to you in this song, but I’d be very curious to learn what resonates or doesn’t. If you feel comfortable, please leave a comment to let me know what happens for you as you listen. I’d love to learn.
Who’s John?
Does it matter? There are more CEOs named Michael than there are women CEOs total, and in the Netherlands, the same goes for CEOs named Peter. I’m gonna guess it’s about the same for pastors named John. Or Mark, for that matter. (As for this John — if you know, you know, and he doesn’t need the extra boost. Last name is hinted at in the song, and it rhymes with viper.)
A couple comics by the incredible artist Stephanie Stalvey are worth exploring on Instagram for another angle on this. (Click/swipe through for the full gallery — each one is multi-panel comic)
This song reacts to the teaching of a particular John, who promotes a caricature of an extremely unloving “God” who demands perfection and a pleasure-less life, while John establishes himself as gatekeeper.
As much as this song has the flavour of energy and fun, it’s dead-serious, and I don’t think John is a one-off error or deviation.
“Words spoken in the name of God have a way of bypassing the mind and planting themselves directly in one’s heart.” That’s an idea expressed by Dr. Laura Anderson of the Religious Trauma Institute. A religious person often cannot fully parse the words coming out of a preacher’s mouth, as the words are coming from a “spiritual authority,” and must simply be applied and followed, not challenged.
But they must be — it is not simply John who must be challenged, but the very notion of a system that encourages this all to take place, including the crushing idea of an abusive deity who does not accept you as you are.
When listeners and followers are trained to have no doubts (because that would be sinful), and receive the words of the preacher as the word of God — this creates conditions for religious abuse. Millions of us have experienced it, suffer from it, have no name for it, and believe it’s simply us who are flawed and wrong.
It’s not you. It’s not even John. It’s a pattern that preachers like John inherited, and that he believes he’s supposed to maintain, working within a system that supports it all. And it needs calling out.
A relevant listen would also be this podcast, The Rise and Fall of Mars’ Hill. It explores a preacher named Mark, whose teachings and style were even more abusive and toxic than the John of this song, and whose impact is worthy of an even more scathing song than this — but John was a less emotional subject for me to tackle. So consider this song an avatar or an effigy, a stuffed doll to help exorcise the influences of any leader whose harm still lingers in you. May the same vigor and energy in this song be levied against any religious teacher who dared use their leadership and communication to hurt, on the way to making change to the system, and finding your own healing.
Maybe you recognize this quote: ”If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.”
I’m not really into the whole drowning thing, but at the very least, you get a song calling you out.
Paid subscribers can keep reading and learn:
The inspiration for the song, including a very cute story about my daughter Addie’s involvement
The sonic influences and work of home recording and production
What the act of playing and recording did for me
The evolution of the lyrics, and finding the core focus
A new reflection on the key theme, and a crucial insight from my own work with my therapist
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